FWFWW Ep6: Meddling mums, a sheep headbutt and three stunners

They rest there, wondering when they'll next get to go out, to explore and feel the rush once more.

It's episode 6 of Farmer Wants a Wife and the highlight has to be the sighting of three neatly kept, trim and ready-to-perform additions.

It's hard to understand why three perfectly good spearfishing guns are mounted on the wall of Farmer Bert's home, yet there they are, playfully tempting him every time he enters.

Oh, and three of the ladies are in the room at one point as well.

And so we dive into the quest for rural romance once again, with hard drives-full of soaring drone footage, silhouetted weeds in paddocks and pineapples.... those blesséd pineapples.

(They are near on a par with the shots of jacaranda trees on Farmer Dean's place.)

Voice-over queen Sam Farmytage says "she" has enlisted the help of the farmers' mums to choose two new ladies to suit them.

Here's how Mum's Choice (which sounds like a brand of frozen meals) played out for each bloke.

FARMER Bert takes his ladies for a spot of boom spraying over a pineapple crop. (He grows pineapples, did you know?)

There's not a piece of PPE in sight but due to the self-steering function Bert's able to maintain a conversation with the lady in with him.

Most cabs these days would be pretty soundproof. You wouldn't film this show in Queensland in the eighties; open cabs meaning dust and Gramoxone from top to toe.

The conversations flow while working. GPS guidance sure has improved farm romance opportunities, so thanks to the true cupids here, Trimble.

The cliche box gets ticked when Bert mentions "walls coming down". He's talking about emotions, not Old Testament Jericho or Berlin.

PULLING up in the 3.0L 140 kilowatt Isuzu Dmax X 3.0TD with 3.5t towing capacity (Bert has gone for the colour Granite Grey Mica), Farmer Bert swaggers in to meet midwife Brooke and communications/PR writer, Taneil. He invites both of them back to the farm. Why?

Well back on said farm, Lauren is having a crisis, not being able to come to terms with the entire situation. She's a bit of a mess, or as she puts it, she's feeling like a "but of a fush out of water".

Lauren has decided to go home and it is here, as she tells the other two girls on the farm, where we are introduced to some other star players this episode: the spearguns mounted so nicely on the rear green wall.

The poor Rob Allen Mahi carbon fibre roller twin-rubber single rail 150cm camouflage special is forced to listen in to the conversation and watch an awkward group hug.

Lauren then dons the floral print peasant dress (there's a fair bit of that fashion in this episode), boots and white socks like she's in a nineties teen drama and drops in on Bert's Mum's Choice dates.

She tells him she's off. They hug while he whispers "don't be a stranger". Yep, for real life.

VIEWERS may be surprised to see Calya is still around.

It's time for the usual sheep sorting moment as per every season.

Curiously, one of the flock must have gotten wind about Calya's fashion choices and in defence of an industry which contributes to fashion, a sheep headbutts her.

Farmer Joe sums it up as "you almost copped a sheep in the head there," but praises her for not taking a backwards step.

There is a chance Farmer Joe is being typecast as "text message recipient reader".

"Sorry to interrupt. I've just received a message," he says. Again, no chance Tarantino will be hunting him down.

He pops off to town wearing a pair of Audrey Hepburn-style sunglasses for his Mum's Choice dates.

JOE walks in to meet Susie and Ash at a pub. Susie appears to be drinking Windex Professional or some sort of super soldier serum.

It is soon clear Ash is not there for the farmer at all but purely for the television exposure.

She plays darts terribly and shows off like she's in grade four.

Contrastingly, we meet Susie who is originally from outside Condamine, Qld but doesn't like to promote herself as a country girl.

She's a nurse and, as is legally required by all nurses on dates, she checks Joe's pulse, stopping short of a full examination as that would incur the wrath of the union.

Joe turns about eight shades of red darker than the Elders logo, declaring: "I definitely didn't hate it." Susie gets the nod.

When nurse Susie and Joe rock up back on the farmer Calya sends her a fair bit of the old stink eye.

New Susie goes for a horse ride around the farm with Joe on an unexpected date.

She's donned a black Stackhat for safety and asks where his riding helmet is.

Not missing a beat, he replies: "Don't want to ruin my hair." Clever boy.

They end up having a picnic at Stationary Rock.

"She's definitely got my full attention," Joe says.

They talk whether they have "spark" which isn't referring to the Victa Classic Cut in the lawnlocker.

At least, they use a very different method to test for spark than one would with a Briggs and Stratton 3.5hp pull-starter.

They share ulcers.

DEANO'S done a runner. Last episode, he evicted himself from the farm for a spot of thinking.

The next morning, the girls meet in the kitchen.

Tiffany is making bacon and egg sandwiches. Teegan has been up all night plaiting her hair.

Like an unemployed psychic, one says: "Not knowing what is going on in Dean's head is incredibly nerve-wracking."

We find lean Dean sitting on the bonnet of his Isuzu Dmax X 3.0TD (Colour: Volcanic Amber Metal), like he's been waiting for a photoshoot.

It's been 24 hours since he left. Initially it appears the mighty Dmax (with rear differential lock standard on all 4x4 models) may have broken down and he's spent the night perched up there in hopes the film crew would turn up.

That's not the case though. He's been thinking.

The girls endure a lot of tea/coffee drinking and waiting in this show. At least they could be put to work polishing the hay rake or tordoning timber.

"Probably one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make in my life but at the end of the day I've just got to go with my heart," Dean says, delivering that piece of script from previous series.

"Obviously my head was hurting," he continues. That may well have been the constant hat wearing.

"I just don't feel that love between me and you," he tells Bella. She's gone.

He tracks down Tiffany and they sit skewwhiff on a log. Dean says she's not the one.

Tiffany does not take it well at all. She'd just basically finished monologuing about the benchtop colours she'd selected for their homestead, so to hear this is a right old punch in the guts.

"Life without love is lonely and sad," Tiffocrates, the great philosopher, summises.

Back in the bedroom, it seems Tiffo has been packing for about half an hour, caught up in her own internal dialogue before she realises Bella has been packing to go as well. The penny drops.

If only Teegan's name was Penny that would have been a perfect set up.

So Teegan is the one for Dean. Perhaps it was edging on harvest/lambing/calving season but like an Australian cricket captain dominating England in the Ashes, he appears to want to wrap this series up quickly.

They go back to some random shed (possibly a former meat hanging room) where there are candles sitting on bales of hay.

Candles. On. Bales. Of. Hay.

They play handsies while sitting in that potential powder keg death trap.

Teegan says the farm felt like home from when she stepped onto it. If she's going to move there, she's going to struggle to find time to constantly stroke her hair back behind her right ear.

Keen Dean declares his love and gives her CPR.

"If you looked on top of the moon, I'm on top of it right now," Deanspeare says.

That may not exactly be how the phrase goes but we get the idea.

DUSTIN'S property at Condo looks a little parched. As in, it makes the Tanami track looks like the Daintree.

Here's hoping the goat market kicks up again, for his sake.

He serves the girls a lamb stew but nobody's fooled; it's got to be goat.

IT'S back into Condobolin for Dustin. This must be the most he's ever gone to town in his life.

At the red-painted Red Cattle Dog Hotel with the aptly named Red Dog Bistro, he meets Belle and Maddy. Maddy has red hair, just to complete the picture.

Less than 30 seconds into shot, Belle says she wants some one on one time. With lines like that, she'll go far in this show.

Straight from her A Country Practice audition as a nurse, Maddy informs us she works for the Department of Agriculture in Armidale.

She's grounded, traditional and obviously knows ag.

Despite this, Dust-up picks Belle. Sheesh. They head back to the farm where the other girls are propped up at the window like kids watching for Santa.

They all meet.

The next morning, Dusto's mum is making pancakes when the girls walk out, supposedly for the first time.

Then Dustbuster walks out. It's hard to tell if he's got bed hair or not.

Dustbin then takes Belle for a drive over the Serengeti to visit some lambs.

She promptly scoops up a lamb and they talk.

Kudos to the Australian Kelpie Association (or whoever) for possibly getting in quick to do some prominent product placement with Dustbowl's cap.

FARMER Tom trundles into the Nagambie Brewery and Distillery to meet his mum's choice, Angela and Nicky.

Angela is high energy. She's an event coordinator and has gone to great lengths to coordinate her hair into straight lines. She may have coordinated an event for GHD.

She gets picked to go back to the farm.

Next day, this pearler comes out from one of the other ladies: "This morning we definitely noticed that Angela is not with the rest of us."

It's their Jason Bourne-like peripheral vision which probably alerted them to that.

They go on with some whip cracking, with safety glasses, thankfully.

Angela has been off doing some thinking.

"What's happened is I've come to the conclusion I just don't want to live on a farm," she says.

Her pure white shoes wouldn't survive the lifestyle.

A chicken, possibly trained by Tom to suss-out cityites, stares down Angela to the point of terror and she prances away in fear.

She continues to prance all the way to the waiting Isuzu that whisks her off.

Overall, the Connection Counter clicked over to 14 this episode.

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